Thursday, October 13, 2011

Walking the valley

Today, for eight hours, minus half hour for lunch, Mom and I were either driving to hospitals, walking around them, or sitting in doctor's waiting rooms and offices. And we thank the Lord that our visits are just that, visits.

We had two appointments today for Mom. Not neccessarily the best idea. And, one lesson learned is, don't pile up appointments. But sometimes with these doctors you have to take them when you can get them.

Mother is eternally optimistic that the doctors will have the answers. The right answers. The clear answers. And today was supposed to be the culmination of a years worth of appointments.A meeting about her brain "freezes" and a meeting to discuss spinal surgery. And by now, most of the normal things have been tested. But it turned out to be like many other appointments. No easy news, no "we can fix it and make it all better" news.

Now, things are not hopeless, and there are still more avenues to pursue. But the avenues are shrinking. Instead of one of those confusing intersections with five broad boulevards, it's more like a road, a few alleyways and maybe a dirt path.

I'm making tremendous progress on my never ending sweater.
It's looking more and more like Mom will always have debilitating pain in her upper back (which medicine can only somewhat take away). And she'll probably always be on medicine for her brain "freezes". In fact, the doctor wasn't even sure what to call them. They're not seizures. They're not epilepsy. Epilepsy only takes place in the cortex of the brain (the outer part) whereas these originate from deeper within. They're just a  pain in the butt to have to deal with daily. And to manage. The doctor said that it's better than having epilepsy, but of course, it's something that is not as well researched, so thus there is not the same regime of meds available.

So after a quick lunch at a friends house, off we sailed to another appointment. We had been warned that this doctor probably wouldn't have any simple answers. And he didn't. More testing is needed. More questions to be pondered. Is it worth the risks? Would it solve pain or mobility issues?*

There's nothing like talking to the doctor and finding out that they don't have all the answers. And that once again, you're the "weird one" The special case that doesn't fit into any of the boxes. Not just normal whiplash and concussion, but, no you're special.That hurts. And it hurts in it's own way when it's someone you love. It hurts to watch hurting. It hurts when its your mom.

When you're little, Moms are infallible. Moms aren't supposed to be sick. They aren't supposed to get injured. They aren't supposed to get cancer. They aren't supposed to die. You  never expect tragedy to strike. You know that someday they might get sick, but it will happen one day; it will be some other day. Later.

Thankfully by the grace of God, my mom is strong. And brave. While she can't be as strong as she used too be physically, (how many 50 year olds still climb trees?) she's growing stronger spiritually. And that is precious to watch. To know that we are never to old to lean on Jesus.

I often mentally give hospitals different awards.This hospital won the award for nicest bathroom.

Afterwards, because Dad had meetings in Portland, we were able to meet up at a Olive Garden for dinner.And that was exactly what God knew we needed. To see Dad's support and love for Mom as she walks this valley was sweet indeed. The way he listened with love and then insisted that the waitress write something beautiful on Mom's "doggy box". Because she is beautiful. To him, to us and to Jesus.


Susan in Elk Grove said...

You're a sweet daughter, Sara. And you made me cry. <3

rebekah said...

That is touching in many ways. You had me tearing up.

Ellen said...

You had me tearing up, too.. Your faith through all of this is a tremendous blessing and inspiration. I love you all so much!

Amanda Evans said...

Yup. Good post.

Leah V. said...

That was beautiful, Sara! Well done. Praying for all of you!
Love you guys!